A friend recently poked me about this blog that has been lying dormant for so long. When are you going to start writing again, he asked? I looked at the email, scratched my head. Blog, I thought. Well, why not?
Blogging and I go a while back. In the days of Livejournal, I would write about everything – people I know, issues in school, then in university. Amateur efforts at fanfiction. Nothing was hidden, the personal was very, very public. I then grew up, grew away, discovered social media, started working, and blogging became not just more sporadic, but in my mind, more purposeful. Structured communication of insights, achievements, ideas. Something that would actually be useful to someone reading, I thought.
What this did though, unwittingly, was put more pressure on my writing. No longer free-flowing, each piece had to be carefully thought out. Aha moments had to be quickly documented, else they were quickly forgotten. If I don’t plan my posts, I thought to myself, I’m not going to blog. And so I’d make a list of topics, but then I’d never work through them. I’d sometimes be bored, just looking at the list!
I have written since this last post. I’ve posted some travel pieces in my East Asia blog. I wrote some letters. Some of this was instinct, just the need to get it out there. Some of it was writing practice, just to unlock writers block. Some, just for the joy of writing, joy for the person being written to.
Because that’s what I did. In my cautiousness, I had sucked the joy out of this blog. I had made it too detached. From me. And I tried to create to separate out the parts of my life, without realising that they are not separate. Travel. Work. Friends. Family. They’re all one.
And so. I’m back, to try doing this one more time. I’m in a different country now, in a different phase of my life. My world has shifted slightly to the left. Or to the right. And yet, I’m still chasing that dream, that me that began this blog. The one that dreamed to be infinite.